Strokes and Affirmations Among the Stitches

I am blessed to have wonderful friends, so when something terrific happens to me and work and it is ignored and I am not acknowledged my friends step in with hugs, laughter and love. You see, over the years while seeking positive reinforcement at work, I have slowly been killed inside with the knowledge that no matter how well I perform or how great a job I have done, I am not among the elite that gets the strokes.

I am not complaining, it is just a fact and a reality check. Take the quilts I made for the dispatchers flooded out in New York state. I recently was the recipient of a letter that was sent to my Chief on my behalf thanking him for all the quilts and prayers & yet only because the woman was kind enough to send me a copy do I realize there is a letter like this in the Chief's office.

I am not going to pretend it doesn't confuse me and hurt me, but I can turn that hurt towards the light of my friends who believe in me and know what a great person I am but most of all, I can take that letter as I have done many others and the pictures of the people with the quilts I have made and I can place it into a binder where I keep the dates, whom received them who is in the pictures and I can pass that onto my family as my legacy of love and my way of giving back to the community and passing it forward.

For it isn't my co-workers when the day is done and I am gone that will remember me or even care a week after I retire, but it is my family, my children and my grandchildren who will show these books and quilts to their children and it will be from this legacy that I will live on and that my quilts will live on and hopefully out of them all there will emerge a new quilter.

That people is what life is about and sometimes the horse has to kick you in the head before you can open your eyes to see around you clearly.

Depression Really Does Hurt!

Have you seen the commercial about depression in which the commercial states depression hurts everyone & goes onto explain it hurts all over? Well, I understand that commercial now!
You see, I have suffered from depression for many years and like so many others, do my best to push it aside and state I can get over it. But this time, it hurts! I don't mean mentally, I mean I am in physical pain and I believe it is because of my depressiona and the fact that my husband and I have been separated from each other for over 4 months now.

This man is my soulmate. His smile lights up my days, his voice calms my fears and help me relax when I am upset, his touch is healing medicine when I am sick, sore or tired. His kindness comes to me in all areas of my life and now, we are thousands of miles apart and I don't know when I can see him again.

I had dreamed and prayed to see him in March, but after paying $1600 to have 8 new windows installed in our new home and just receiving a $4000 estimate on painting the interior of our home, all the money I had in savings is now gone and I can't afford to fly the babies and I up to Washington to visit. And...my depression darkens!

Of course it doesn't help when the kids and I have been so sick with the flu the last 2 weeks that all anyone does is cry, whine or sleep. This has to be the most exhausting, painful flu I have ever experiencied in 50 years of my life. Fevers of over 104, chills, aches, migraines, vomiting, diarrhea, coughing. Horrible!! The babies had it last week and they are still laying around most of the day. I came down with it Saturday.

Oh yeah! For the first time in over 12 years on my job, when I told them I was sick and yes I knew I would have to use vacation time...they requested a doctors note. Oh Lord, grant me the serenity to stay where I am until You tell me we can move!

Graduation comes in just a few months for the oldest of the babies & then hopefully by then most of the court stuff will be behind us.

Not so good news!

I saw the doctor for my foot on Thursday and to say he isn't happy about what my foot looks like, is an understatment. He took one look at my swollen, bruised & painful appendage and stated, 'that shouldn't look like that after two months.' I am in agreement, however, I don't know what it really is supposed to look like, only that I would like to be able to get it into a shoe, a boot, a mule or even a flip flop, but doesn't look good right now!

HOME: Well, our house closed in Washington and I still haven't seen it with the exception of pictures or have yet to step a foot inside. I was hoping by now the doctor would have determined if I was going to remain on short term disability, go to long term disability or what my status would be. Though back to work right now, my foot hurts daily.

The lawsuit with the other grandmother is still dragging on. Ya gotta love attorneys because once they get involved, your 6 month lawsuit automatically turns into a forever thing and the money you set aside to go to the Bahamas that took you ten years to save up for, you watch disappear into thin air as attorneys are so arrogant they feel they need to charge you for every minute of their time.

Your $4000 retainer feed, well lets just say they don't call it a retainer for nothing. You will wind up tossing more money to your attorney and when it is all said and done, none of it will have been worth the money spent unless of course you committed a heinous crime and your attorney got you off.

Life is precious, treat it that way!