It's almost a new year...

Wow! 2006 seems to have flown by and yet, so many exciting and not so many exciting things happened this year that I have to tell those of you worried about the new year to hang in there, even during your darkest hours, Jesus Christ is with you.



This year started off with two of my sons being sent to prison. One deserved to go but the other one didn't and it was very hard on me for awhile to accept that both were where God wanted them to be at the same time and equally in places where I knew I didn't have to worry about them eating or sleeping.



Our family had a great time in April at the Phoenix Nascar races camping out in the old 'Shaggin Wagin,' a 1980 Chevy RV we bought several years back that was painted with old hippie sayings and pictures. However, by the time November's race rolled around I had begun to change the paint scheme to more of a Nascar theme with black and white checkered door, drivers sayings, etc.



In August we finally made the decision to move to Washington (actually my husband did) after three years of discussing it and when he applied for his job, what happened next I just knew it was destined by God. His interview was over the telephone, he took his physical and medical and drug tests here in Phoenix and he was offered more per hour than we ever thought possible. They even gave him six weeks to be at the job.



Our home was placed on the market in October and I began packing and hubby began cleaning up the yard, planting the yard and getting rid of junk (I never realized how much junk we had accumulated). October 30th hubby left for Washington, but took the RV over to PIR so we could wait in line and I wouldn't have to drive it.



November 1st I went on what was supposed to be a 12 day vacation and has wound up being almost 2 months of recovery from a shattered ankle.

Our home sold in December and closed on the 15th and my hubby and a friend came from Seattle to pack and load the truck. We hired cleaners to clean up the inside. After 3,4 & 5 years of living and knowing no other home but ours as theirs, my grandchildren and I moved in with two dear friends that have taken care of me and them during my recovery.

The lawsuit with the other grandmother is still going on and my daughter-in-law has decided to finally file for divorce after an illegitmate pregnancy and miscarriage while my son has been in prison. Both are trying to gain custody of the grandchildren that my husband and I have basically raised since their birth. The same children the mother walked out on in October 2005 and never looked back. The same children the grandmother has never called, has never came by to visit.

2007 will have an exciting beginning:

I start back to work on January 2nd, though still on Percocet, the Dr. states I can go back to work.

On January 7th, my son who should never have gone to prison will come home & we will have a celebration.

Sometime in January we will close on our new home in Washington.

Here is wishing all your dreams come true and that you can always see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is so small it looks no bigger than the head of a pin.

God Bless You All in 2007!

Still not up to walking on my own!

Well, it has been a month and a half since I broke my ankle and I can't say I am exactly happy about my progress. I expected by now I would be up and at least walking on my own to some degree, but I am still using a walker and a wheelchair when I am extremely exhausted.

I went to see the Ortho today because my foot has been turning purple and almost black during the day and he told me it is something to expect with the fact I haven't been up on my feet for the past six weeks. Something about the blood pooling and my foot swelling. I asked him about all the pain and the fact I am still using Percocets and he said he will be concerned about my Percocet use if I am still asking for them in a year.

I guess an ankle break is tough, but one like mine is extremely difficult and he expects I am going to have pain and problems for at least the next few months. I am wondering if swimming might help strengthen the ankle?

Anyway I am back to work next Tuesday and I can honestly say I am looking forward to getting out of the house for a few hours or 12 hours. We will just need to see how the ankle holds up.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, the only thing that would have made mine any better would be to have my husband here with us, but friends made it as wonderful for use as they could.

Even my soon to be ex-daughter-in-law bought me a gift.

Check ya later!

I can't wait...

Well, tomorrow I see my medication P/A for an evaluation of my meds. She will determine if I can resume my Lyrica/Scalexan/Cymbalta since I am down to about 2 Percocets per day now.
I need to talk to her about my horrible anxiety attacks and mood swings and see what she wants to do about those.

Wednesday, if all goes well and the X-Rays show up positive, I should be able to get my cast off and get a removable boot on so I can shower a bit better and move around easier. He told me I will still have no weight bearing while going through intense physical therapy but anything has to be better than this cast I have on.

I want to be able to turn in the wheelchair, move around a bit easier and make it more bearable to transport me from place to place. I hate having all this gear to take with me and I hate even more that my foot looks like it is rotting in the cast.

My foot still turns blue periodically, it is still swelling badly in the cast and the spasms are still coming on, but I am learning to deal with those a bit easier.

My heart goes out to the wives and family members of our troops that are overseas or just out of sight during this holiday season. I remember as a military wife going through that loneliness and not thinking I would pull through, but I did it.

That seems a million years away on the days I cry for my husbands arms to hold me, how I pray to see his smile again. I know I would miss him even if I had both legs, but for now, not being able to take care of myself or the kids without help, I just miss him so very very much.

HOME AGAIN AT LAST!!

Home again at last! My husband flew home from Washington state Saturday afternoon and after not being able to see his face and touch it, hold him, hug him, see his beautiful smile for over a month, it was the most wonderful thing I have seen in awhile. Just to hold him helped me to be able to get rid of so much stress and anxiety.

Watching the babies see him as he came in the door and all of them clamoring for his attention and a place in his arms was so heart warming. They have missed him I believe even more than I have and I didn't think that was possible. They just love their PaPa so much and they do not like being away from him at all. All they talk about is going to Washington to stay with PaPa.

Little do they know, their mother and other grandmother are doing everything in their power to prevent that from happening. Not because they love these babies or care, but because they have no love in their own lives , so they don't know what it is to love these babies unconditionally. They don't know what it is to sit up with them when they are sick and watch them as they chase Ladybugs around the yard. All they care about is their own needs to make everyone around them unhappy.

On the other hand, PaPa is home until tomorrow, we will love him and he will spend time with them listening to stories about school and boo boo's and He will always be here for them.

Depression Sucks!

I feel at times that my life and emotions are tied to a spinner in a game. You know the type I am talking about...little piece of cardboard, plastic arrow attached to it and numerous challenges...go forward 3, jump backwards 2, go to dreamland, whatever.

Mine reads today emotionally stable, today emotional roller coaster, today calm/lunatic. I hate having depression and more, I wish I knew when to expect an emotional attack. One minute I am fine and the next I want to scream as loud as I can.

I can't take meds right now due to all the drugs I am taking for pain associated with my foot injury and people who call me and I am upset can't handle it they think I should be happy all the time.

Why?? Would you be happy if you couldn't bathe yourself or wash your own hair? Would you be happy if you couldn't get outside of your own home without help? If all the electric scooters at WalMart were taken by people who's only excuse for using one is they are to damn fat to walk and you are pushing yourself around in a wheelchair? If people sais they would come over to help and never showed up?

No, you would be a bit bummed, but take those things and give them to someone with depression and now the equation is a bit more up and down. You try to smile and hold it together however, without warning you are crying about something stupid.

Well, thanks for letter me rant!