I Pierced My Nose Today

Much like the quilts I make and send to people that are bits and pieces of material, my body is bits and pieces of who I am and my life.

I have a scar 3/4 ways around my chest from heart surgery I had 48 years ago at Deborah Heart Institute in Toms River, New Jersey. I was 2 years old at the time and I often wonder if the Dr. that performed my surgery is still alive, I would love to meet him and thank him for my life.

I have the scar of my knee from jumping into Lake Mead feet up after my parents just read the sign that said no jumping from the platforms.

I have a small scar on my leg from putting it up against a Harley exhaust right after my husband told me it was hot.

I have several tattoo's and one that was recently split in 1/2 when the surgeon put my ankle back together. There are times when it doesn't matter & that was one of those times. Save my leg, forget the tattoo.

I have my ear cartlidge pierced in one ear, 2 holes in each ear. I pierced my eye brow twice but both times I had problems, so let it go.

Today, right after I had my toenails painted hot pink to match my cast, I had my driver (Desi, I love ya for helping me do this) take me to the piercing salon and I had my nose pierced.

Odd for a 50 year old...but hey, I am a unique person!

11 More Days

Only 11 more days to pack my entire house up, stack it for going into the moving truck, sorting my sons belongings and sending to his friends and deciding what the kids and I will need over the next few months while we stay with friends.

Oy Vey! Staying with friends that love children but don't have any of their own, this is scary, but I know they will have patience and much love towards us all.

I just wished I knew how long I would be here, while my husband is in Washington. I have to have my cast removed, then physicial therapy, the boot and a determination if this is permanent of a temporary disability. Combining this last incident with Fibromyalgia and arthritis of my back, it remains to be seen if I will return to work.

Hubby will be home for a few days on the 9th to pack up the truck and head back to Washington. Prayerfully by then, the snowy weather will have gone and he and a friend have clear sailing all the way up there.

Anyway, it will be good to see him for just a few days, I miss him so much!

The Snow Witch!

The snow is falling in Key Port, WA and the proof is in this picture my friend sent to me along with a demand letter, asking me (the proclaimed snow witch) to stop sending cold wishes for snow his way. Me, I just giggled because I want someone to have the beauty of the season when I can't living in Arizona.

Actually, the snow witch moniker goes back many years when I vacationed in WA and wanted it to snow in February. My friends laughed at me, mocked me (HOW DARE THEY!!) and told me I was crazy. They even dared laugh at me when they came to the airport and told me no signs of snow.

AHHH, but the ever endearing snow witch had the last laugh when we paid for parking at SeaTac and got about three feet out of the airport and it began to snow and snow it did for 3 days straight. Now who was laughing?

Since that infamous vacation, whenever it snows in Keyport, my friends call me or Email and tell me to use my powers for good, not snow. It has been fun for all of us and I am looking forward to going back home soon, spending time with my husband sitting on the porch, drinking hot chocolate and watching for snowflakes.

In the meantime, I am still trapped in this cast with 25 more days to go until the cast comes off and the physical therapy starts.

Namaste!

Trapped in my own home!

I feel trapped and helpless this morning. I can't get outside my home with the walker & I have no ramps for the wheelchair or scooter and if I get out, I have no place to go, nothing to do and no way to get back in. I am beginning to have anxiety attacks over this. What happens if my house catches on fire? What happens if someone breaks in? I can't breath at times over these thoughts.

My neighbors have deserted me. Once willing to come over and help me each day to get the dog in and out of the house, they have quit coming over. Now, I am truly alone with no one. My husband doesn't understand, how can he, he has never been trapped. I have so much to do before I move out of my home, and I can't even do that. How can I pack boxes with one leg that I can't even stand on? I can't reach the door knobs, cabinets, sinks, etc. I am becoming fearful.

I open the front door to let in the light, air and any amount of human contact I can have even if it is just noises in the street at least I can feel I am having some human contact. My best friend is leaving Tuesday and then once again I will be really alone.

What ever happened to family? My grandparents were always there when my mom or my parents needed them. My mom was there for several weeks when my sister had a blood clot & yet they all tell me I can do this on my own.

WAKE UP FAMILY.....I can't do this on my own!! How much more do you expect me to do on my own? You who expect me to be there for you when you need it all the time, when you get older because you don't want to be in a home, you expect me to be there for you.

Well, this experience has shown me who cares and who doesn't and I will NOT be there for you, you have left me hurting, alone, scared & paying money for people just to take me to get milk.

I am hurt, I am sad and I am sooooo outa here!

PLEASE HELP ME FIND A HOME!!!

It is a beautiful fall morning here in Phoenix and I can smell the crisp in the air. However, as usual, come mid-morning it will be at least in the mid-80's...it is November people, please fix the thermostat to show accordingly. For all of you that like it like this...please help me realize my dream of moving to Washington where my loving husband is waiting for me with warm and loving arms.

Here is my dilemma!! I have narrowed (kind of) my choices to about 6 houses...4 I have seen the insides only from the internet and 2 don't show the insides at all. Soooo, I am asking those of you who read my blog to help me choose. Listed below you will find the links to these homes, please look at each and let me know your choice.

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=Listing.ListingDetail&ListingID=16979338

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=Listing.ListingDetail&ListingID=16968431

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=listing.listingDetail&ListingID=15737582

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=listing.listingDetail&ListingID=17016274

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=listing.listingDetail&ListingID=16954638

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=listing.listingDetail&ListingID=7345318

http://www.windermere.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=listing.listingDetail&ListingID=15639650

Please remember each one of these houses are unique in what they offer from beautiful views of the river to wonderful and warm wrap around porches. Each one of these homes takes you back in time to an era when life was simple and sweet.

Help me to choose, send your vote to this page and let me know and let me know why you feel the way you do.

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!

Girls Night

How many times over the past few years have I told friends we would get together soon and never have? Do you do the same thing? DON'T!! While my broken leg may not be life threatening is sure has been life changing. Leaning on people for help, rides, etc. Missing my husband as he started a new job has been incredible & yet, I am learning how I have needed to slow down for a very long time.

Last night 2 friends of mine came over to keep me company. One brought us dinner and desert and the other brought us a movie to watch & we visited and talked and I realized these things need to be done more often.

So while breaking my leg ultimately stinks, it has also been a blessing!

Phantom Pains??

I have often heard of people who loose limbs having phantom pains as if they still had the limb they had lost. Since my accident I have had some odd pains that I can't explain & have tried and usually succeeded in getting past.

Tonight however, my pain feels like an electrical burning on all sides of my ankle, my foot is having spasms that are causing my leg to violently shake & though I have taken 2 of my pain medications, this pain has brought me to full blown sobbing & having to call my best friend and ask them to talk to me so I can redirect my thoughts away from the pain.

About 15 minutes of conversation and I can now attempt to go back to bed and sleep. I tried to reach dear hubby, however his cell phone is off and he has told me the area where he is staying is having some problems with high winds and fallen trees. When you hurt that bad, you just want someone to listen and try to help you refocus.

Since I damaged my leg so badly, I am not sure if this pain if from severed nerves, tendons, broken bones or a combination of all things put together. All I know is it is the worst pain I have felt in a long time.

****************THANK YOU'S********************THANK YOU'S*******
This weeks many heartfelt thanks to my neighbors Bonnie & David for the driving me around, calling to ensure I am up getting my granddaughter ready for school, taking her to bus stop. To Kelly & Ed for coming over and helping me clean up and put away dinner messes, play with the kids & for keeping Shyann overnight so she doesn't have to get up so early. Tracy for her wonderful kindnesses of bringing me coffee & bagels, cleaning up my kitchen, picking up dog poop, watering all my trees and shrubs, running paperwork to the Dr.
To Desiree for coming over and cleaning, doing laundry, taken kids to Dr. & picking up things I need here and there.

While I will probably never know why this happened or why God allowed it to happen, I know I am in this position for a reason and I am doing the best I can to thank and praise Him for all my friends & all my blessings!

May your day be filled with peace.

Namaste!

Thinking on your feet!

I have always been an independent cuss, stubborn and loyal as the day is long, always saying yes to some project or helping someone out and so meticulous about mail, bills, etc. Well, all that changes last week with a wrenching twisting of my ankle, causing me to stay 4+ days in the hospital and come home with a walker & a wheelchair and I swear, an 80 pound temporary cast on my leg.

Oh joy, everyone is telling me if I think this one is heavy wait until the permanent one goes on!! I can't wait!!

I must say though, that I am finding joy in things I never thought I would like raised potty chairs, shower chairs, walkers with seats in them and the electric scooters in stores. I cried today when I walked into (oops, faux paus...was wheeled into ) the local lending closet and told I could take my pick of potty chairs. Now, I won't have to worry about getting up when I am done!

Then there are my friends. What can I say except without a doubt I have some of the most wonderful friends, co-workers and employers in the world! Seriously, I have a friend who comes over just to rub and warm my toes up when they get cold. Last week my dearest friend and her daughter showered me & today same daughter and friend drove to my home from over 30 miles away just to feed my dog.

Of course once they were here and saw I was preparing dinner, they took over, fed and walked the dog, put the kids in jama's, fixed their beds, gave me cold water and then went to the store and bought me a loave of bread.

While they were here another friend called to check on me & said she would be by tomorrow to do my laundry and bring boyfriend to do my floors.

At 8:00 sharp my neighbor came over, tucked the kids into bed, turned off my lights with the exception of a few I need, gave me my Percocet, covered me up, kissed my forehead and locked me in the house.

While I still am struggling with loosing total independence right now, I think I realize God wanted to show me how great my life can be when He slows me down to take a look and how awesome my support system is.

But, the biggest struggle is, I can't seem to think with one foot!! Going over bills, mail, homework, etc. all seems to be such a chore now and I guess I have gained new understand to the term 'thinking on your feet!'

Social Services???

Anyone who has ever had a loved one really ill in the hospital has run into social services, the people who are wonderful and knowledgable when it comes to arranging for home health care, beds, walkers, etc.

These are the people who let you know what your insurance covers so you can get help. But what happens when the social services become unsocial? Am I whining here or what? But I need to vent.

Thursday, 2:00 p.m., I am sleeping when this young lady comes into my room and awakens me and introduces herself as social services. She hands me a 2 page copied print out for lending closets and starts to walk away. Wait! I have 3 small grandchildren at home, I will need some help and a wheelchair, toilet seat, shower seat and a pull up bar. She looks at me like I fell off the planet Bonkers and says, 'you can walk, you don't qualify for a wheelchair, call the lending closet for the rest of the stuff.' Out she goes.

Well, she was right and wrong about some things...I didn't qualify for the toilet and shower seat, but with a note from my doc stating I can't put weight on my foot, I can get a wheelchair. Dr. writes the prescription, Walgreens wants to fill it but needs specific order I can't stand...finally, I pay for the chair myself and of course when social services states they will once again send the same chick to see me, tell them unless she wants a walker up side her head, keep her!

Perhaps it should be noted at this time, that my insurance would cover a wheelchair, a hospital bed and the pull-up bar. However, the social services department did not want to do their jobs and once I have this equipment, the hospital administration will be hearing from me.

Sucks to be sick people!

Shattered Ankle/Shattered Dreams

Blue seems to be the most appropriate color of ink to match my mood at 0100 CST living within 2 miles of the Phoenix International Raceway home of this week-ends NASCAR race and knowing I may just not make it!

You see, while my husband was settling in on a new job in another state Monday morning, I was proudly manuvering our RV into place for the wonderfully planned long week at the races. Everything was going perfect...I had dropped my oldest granddaughter off at the bus, picked up friends to help me move my RV & van and was doing a great job for never having driven something so large.

Well, as fate would have it for some reason, the people at PIR decided they wanted to make more room for more RV's and grated the area where we park, so now instead of solid pack dirt, we had loose sand and it was that sand that caused my week of horrors!

I parked the motor home, set up the awning, put out the chairs and stepped out the door. When I did, my left food gave a bit and as any person would do, I tried to catch myself and over correct myself with my right foot. It was like watching something in slow motion. My ankle bone protruded out the right side of my ankle, then back over to the left and finally settled in a weird angle on the left side.

Lets put it this way...my leg was facing north/south when I landed, however my foot was facing east/west with this huge bulge on it and all I could say was 'oh sh**, someone call 911 I just broke my foot.' I laid on the ground with someone holding me up so I wouldn't faint, someone else calling my name and keeping me focused so I wouldn't faint & all the time, all I wanted to do was pass out.

Kudo's to my pal Keith for sitting on the ground for over what had to be 30 minutes and holding my leg up so my ankle wouldn't snap through the skin...the only reason it didn't was due to Keiths determination that it wouldn't and he wasn't going to let the medics cut my sock off.

So, I spend a day and a half in the hospital waiting for my surgery, however the ER doc gave me some Versed and repositioned my ankle so they could splint it straight. I had blood drawn, XRays and an MRI and the MRI showed that I not only fractured my foot in three places, I fractured pieces of bone off of bone, broke it in one place so bad it had to be put back together like a jigsaw puzzle with pins, plate and screws and a bone graft.

The night nurse Andrea was wonderful...I can't say thank you enough to her for her compassion. She ensured each evening my bed had no wrinkles, propped up my leg and foot, brought me a snack and sleeping pill and kept ice on my cast. I rested well!

Dayshift was a crack up, but less compassionate. The 3rd day I was there, Michelle brought me a basin with water, soap, lotion, wash clothes 7 clean gown. While I took care of my personal needs, she made my bed while I sat in a chair. It ended there. I don't know where the communication break down occurred, but I was left sitting up for over 3 hours. While I could used the rest room on my own, I couldn't manuver well enough to get into bed. I called out for 45 minutes for help and was told each time someone was on their way (no one showed), I called the hospital operator and asked for physical therapy and left a nasty message, still no one responded.

Finally, my visiting physician came by and saw me crying and when I told her what had happened, I finally got assisted back to bed and medicated. Let me explain, I have osteo arthritis in my back so sitting for long periods is very painful. I also have a high pain threshold and rarely required medication. Once back in bed, I was medicated regularly the rest of the day for comfort.

That evening the CNA felt it was to hot in my room, so she cranked my heat to 65. It took a friend the next morning calling the nurses station before I got a blanket. And that day, while I moved all around my room and between the bed and chair with a walker, Physical Therapy was no where to help out or show me how to move around. My bed wasn't cleaned, I was left dirty, they refused to bathe me and medication was nil!! I finally used the walker to go to my room door and look down the hall.

There they were, a nurse and 2 physical therapists, sitting and standing around and horsing around until I yelled down the hall for help. What I got was...what is your problem & why are you coming down the hall to find me?? Better me ask why friends had to make my bed, bathe me and remain at the hospital for over 30 minutes to see I got pain medications.

I am home now! Neighbors are lovingly sitting with me and helping me out!

This Doesn't Feel Like Fun!

With a kiss and a hug and he's on his way, my husband began his two and a half day trip to our new home area of Grays Harbor County Washington today....leaving me, his 3 grandchildren a dog and several turtles behind to wait for the sale of our home.

I thought this was going to be easy, piece of cake, but if that is so, then why when I woke up within 15 minutes did I have tears racing to beat one another down my cheeks? Why do I feel this house is suddenly cold and quiet even with 2 small children laughing and playing?

I promised him I would be strong and keep my head held high and I am already feeling like I might fall down, but I have so much to do right now and after all, I am on vacation and that will keep me busy as a swarm of bee's!

There is painting to finish, a dresser than needs refinishing, quilts to catch up on, trees and yard to take care of land of course...NASCAR week will be here Monday and then we will all be out at the track watching the events and visiting with friends.

I miss him so much. My best friend, my soul mate, my strength. I love you baby, see you soon!